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By Stormi Clark

Why being the one is better than finding the one

The search for a mate is an ongoing quest in human existence. Just about everybody wants at least one person they feel understands them on a deeper, more intimate level. But depth requires openness, and openness requires healing your past hurts and being vulnerable. Here are three reasons you should put down the binoculars and step in front of the mirror and be the one you're searching for.

1. No one wants to be around people who suck.

This would seem self-explanatory but a lot of people are hoping to find someone to put up with them the way they put up with others. We tried to be perfect in past relationships and were taken advantage of, so now we're on strike. We're on Instagram sharing those "if you don't love me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" posts, scaring off any potential dates we could have because those posts scream "psycho." If you carry yourself like leftovers from past, you'll end up with people who treat you like leftovers, or worse, you'll subconsciously push away people who do care because they don't give you that familiar feeling of rejection. Deal with your past hurts and move on to being your best and expecting the best.

2. If you can't be alone with you, no one else will want to, either.

Ah, the familiar aroma of desperation. You've submersed yourself with every self-deprecating article about how tragic it is to be alone (especially at your age), and now you're on the hunt to find that special someone who completes you and validates you to the world. Stop! You are a whole person all by yourself. Another person can complement all that you are, and even inspire you to be better, but they can't make you a whole person. Searching for any part of yourself in someone else is guaranteed to end in failure. Being content with yourself comes from spending time with yourself and learning who you are by enjoying your own delightful company.

3. Everyone has problems.

It seems everywhere you look people are paired up and positively giddy with their relationship. The sun is shining, birds are singing, and flowers bloom as they stroll by. Meanwhile, your sad single self is being hovered over by a little rain cloud and you have no umbrella. The truth is, being in a relationship is not the beginning of a problem-free life. You're simply trading one set of problems for another. Sure, you have someone to spend Friday night with, but now you're starving because you can't agree on where to eat. There are ups and downs no matter where you are in life so learn to focus on the positive now and it will be easier to do it when the love of your life is being a pain in your butt.

Being alone is one thing, but being lonely is another. Appreciate the gift of having time to yourself; yes, there will be moments of sadness and longing, but the sooner you let them pass the sooner you get to the moments of laughter and joy. You show others how you want to be treated by how you treat yourself. When you look to any and everyone else to make you feel valuable and worth loving, you are telling the world you're not sure you are. When you're happy with and accepting of yourself, you won't settle for someone who isn't.

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